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A shame to the city on a hill

May 9, 2007

But I woke up needing to pee (finally) and this little 400 word essay just sprung into my head. I hope you guys find it funny. I posted it a few other places as well. Feel free to seed it, or share it. I was feeling silly today.

Yes a shame has occurred, something that questions the esteemed academic abilities this city is self known for. In this place, with forty plus colleges and universities. where engineers and architects out number artists and musicians, depending on the street corner. A city full of educators, including ignoble and noble prize winners, where the only sport enjoyed more than the long running soap opera of the Red Sox, is throwing things at other people.

Could not some one come forward to teach Don Orsillo how to craft and pilot a paper airplane?

Despite having a number of quality examples fly past him during last nights rout of the Toronto Blue Jays, including some who’s graceful flight was captured by NESN’s crack camera crew. Don was unable to transfer any of this knowledge into the crafting of his own entry into the mostly successful test of the aerodynamics of The Rogers Centre.

Do we not have someone? Perhaps the two universities across the river could work together to solve the problem? Is it genetic, is it aerodynamic, are further instructions needed. Perhaps the pizza tossing fan, who you must admit got some amazing distance for a Papa Gino’s Pizza could give Don throwing advice.

If not, Pitching Coach John Farrell has little to do this season besides change Josh Beckets batteries between games, give Kyle Snyder tips on how to look more like a former female fan favorite (guitar lessons optional) and learn how to say “Yankees Suck” in five languages. Doug Mirabelli is free four out of every five games, maybe Tim Wakefield would allow Dougie to talk to Don about throwing.

Truly people, this city has to bull together as we never have before. Forget the high crime rates, the potholes and the cost over runs of the Big Dig. Does any one for a moment believe The Evil Empire owned YES Network will not take advantage of this Red Soc owned NESN debacle by taking their entire announcing staff to paper airplane camp. Can we really have our very own Dandy Don bested by the likes of Kimberly Jones, or Marv Albert – the horror!!!!!

I have done my part my searching the web for information on paper airplane construction. I now call on the Boston community, and the Red Sox to do theirs by teaching Don Orsillo the proper way to make and throw a paper airplane.

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